My Christmas Wish List

If you've ever been to my house, you've seen how my fascination with outsider art has manifested itself. I have artwork not only on walls and over door frames, but also under beds and in closets. I've kinda run out of wall space, but you know... I can always try to squeeze more somewhere. The ceilings are bare... I need ceiling art.

In the early 2000's, I frequently visited San Francisco and would always stop by Creativity Explored. It's a non-profit arts center for developmentally disabled adults. The artists create some of the most amazing artwork I have ever seen. And their monthly gallery openings in that space are just phenomenal. The artists are more than willing to talk to you about their work and are always very excited to see folks buying it. The artwork is powerful and rich and emotional and raw. Creativity Explored is the one non-NC non-profit to whom I regularly send contributions.

Full Frame Documentary Film Festival screened a documentary this April called Cross Your Eyes Keep Them Wide about this facility, the artists and their work. I took Christa with me, who was quite impressed. This film won Full Frame's Jury Prize for Best Short.

This piece is by Andrew Li:


The last time I was in San Fran YEARS ago, I ate dinner at a restaurant where I struck up a conversation with some folks from the Black Rock Arts Foundation (the arts group who provide grants for Burning Man artists.) They were headed over to Creativity Explored gallery opening after dinner and invited me to tag along. I was more than happy to go! I had the best time meeting the artists and checking out their abundant masterpieces. I shipped stacks and stacks of artwork back to North Carolina. It was a great night.

This piece is by John McKenzie:


In the mail today, I received a postcard from Creativity Explored that their annual art sale is going on December 7-9. I really wish I could go. But there is no way that I could swing that. But if you happen to be in San Francisco looking for a Christmas present for me next weekend, Creativity Explored is where you should go. Whee!

I Need This Song

I was watching a Roy Lichtenstein documentary, and the song"(Money) That's What I Want" was played during the opening credits. I loved it. I couldn't find this version on Itunes, but the Waylon Jennings and the Barrett Strong versions are fabulous.

But I did find it on YouTube. As an added bonus of my discovery, there is a really bizarre ukulele segment. Who are these Flying Lizards? Woot!

Let's Watch Your Home Movies

Tomorrow is International Home Movie Day. It's a day to celebrate your old vacations, birthdays, weddings, or whatever that your family recorded on film. Home movies are my favorite kind of documentaries.

So, go find your old home movies and bring them down to NCSU tomorrrow, Saturday August 11th 1-4pm to view them or just to watch home movies from other folks. It's alot of fun. There's even Home Movie Day Bingo with prizes!!!! Don't miss it!

More information about the event can be found here.

Making New Friends

Ever since Christa told me that she was moving away, I keep thinking, what in the heck am I doing here? Why do I remain in Durham? Friends who used to be really close have now either moved, gotten married, or had kids. No matter what anybody tells me, I know that people with kids want to hang out with other people with kids. Couples like to go have dinner with other couples. And right now, I can count my single friends in town on one hand.

I've been tossing around the possibility of moving. Moving away. Moving out of North Carolina. Moving out of the tiny three-county area where I have spent my entire life. I love Brooklyn and I love San Francisco, but could a naive, impressionable Southern woman survive in either of these places? (Heck, could I afford to live in either of these places?) I think I need to travel and explore some cities to see what I like and what I don't. And to see what I could afford and what I couldn't. There is no way that I could psychologically survive living in a little studio apartment. I'd die. But for now it doesn't matter... I need to stick with my job for at least a couple more years. But that gives me time to investigate new places and to save some moving money.

In the meantime (or maybe as a backup plan), I need to work on building new friendships. And I have to admit that this blog has helped. I've met lots of new people including music folks and some hot dog folks. I've also rekindled some old friendships. This blog has given me the opportunity to meet folks that I thought I'd never meet, such as Charleen Swansea from Ross McElwee's documentaries.

Last month before taking off for Coney Island, Charleen Swansea invited me and Bill over for beer and cookies, which turned into inviting us over to for wine and homemade brownies, which were divine. We had a great time and discussed her daughter's artwork, my relationship status, living in Chapel Hill, and her father's tiple.

She begged me to play my banjo uke for her, which I reluctantly did. I was a little scared. I haven't been playing for very long and it's a huge struggle. I pulled it out and opened up my songbook and started the first two lines of "Walkin' After Midnight" and Charleen busted out laughing. I stopped and and turned beet red in utter embarrassment. She continued to laugh. I am probably quoting this a little incorrectly, but to the best of my memory, she said, "You know what you sound like, Charlotte? Well, it's like your first born son and you're changing his diaper for the first time [insert huge laugh] and he has a little accident on you!! [insert tremendous laughter with a knee slap and rearing back in the seat]" I was horrified. She told me to continue, but I couldn't.

I didn't take it too harshly. We proceeded to talk and laugh about all kinds of things... men, food, films. I could've stayed there all evening. But I had to get back to ukulele practice. It was so great to meet Charleen and I know that we'll be hanging out on her porch again soon. I want to eat more of her brownies. At one point in the evening, she looked at me and said, "I love you, Charlotte. You're like buttermilk and silk." I think that this is one of the best compliments I've ever received.

Keepin' It Elevated

Friday afternoon I kinda freaked out a little. I just couldn't figure out why my foot was still just as swollen and just as painful as it was the day I sprained it. So, I called the orthopaedic clinic. The receptionist put me through to the orthopaedic surgeon on call at the ER. I told him that it's been almost two weeks and I cannot put any weight on my foot and it's purple, painful, and swollen. Blah. Blah. Blah. He asked me where I was. I said that I was at work. He said that if I was not keeping it elevated *ALL* the time that I was prolonging my recovery. Sitting at my desk and hobbling around work was not helping. He told me that I must keep my foot elevated if I expected to get better quickly.

All week, I have spent every evening in this chair with my foot elevated in pain caused by working all day. Each morning, I feel better and go back into work where I stay until the pain forces me to go home, at which time I return to this chair. And then the cycle starts again. So, I thought I'd better keep my butt planted in this chair for the weekend. (I'm sad because I didn't get to go meet Charleen tonight, but I just couldn't drive to Carrboro with my ankle like this.)

Today, I spent the day in my chair except for laundry. The only way to get my dirty clothes from my bedroom to the laundry room was by crawling. I crawled the other day, so why not again today. So, I filled up the laundry basket in the bedroom and then got down on all fours and pushed the basket while dragging my crutches behind me. Once I got to the laundry room, I was fine. I managed to do three loads: the last of which is still in the dryer. I had to crawl the laundry back to my bedroom to fold it and put it away. But I did it. Woo hoo!!! (I betcha my Saturday adventure was more exciting than yours!) One thing I discovered while crawling around the house is that the floor in here is absolutely disgusting. As soon as my foot gets better and I get off these crutches, I am going to start cleaning my floors frequently.

Today, I also realized that people can see me sitting in here. Folks walking by are now waving to me. I guess that is nice & neighborly. I kinda feel like a window mannequin. There is a little preschool down the street and the kids seem to love and stop and scream gleefully at the stuff on my porch.... or maybe they are screaming at the weird crazy lady teetering on crutches in the window.

Last night, Denise came over and brought me food from the kitchen. We watched The Muppet Movie together. I haven't seen that movie since I was 8 years old. I just about fell out of my chair when I saw Kermit in the opening sequence playing the banjo!!!! I love Kermit. "Rainbow Connection" sounds like it might be difficult to play on uke. I also watched Louisiana Story this afternoon. I am convinced that Jim Henson and Ricky Leacock are geniuses.

Rendezvous

This is one of my all-time favorite films. Rendezvous by Claude Lelouch made in Paris in 1978. I wish that the google video was not so pixely, but maybe it's just the limitations of my laptop. I remember the first time I saw it... it was a 16 mm print and it was amazing. It's about 8 minutes long... turn up your speakers for full effect. VROOM!!!!!

You Ain't Going Nowhere

So, yesterday I was feeling relatively little pain so I braved the outside world and drove to Chapel Hill for my radio show. And then I drove to work and put in a full day's work. I ended the day having dinner and drinks at Alivia's with Maggie. I hadn't been to Alivia's yet and heard mixed reviews. Overall, it was great... service was not the best, but my margarita was awesome and the grapefruit champagne pie was delicious. And it was fun to catch up with Maggie. Last night, the Brightleaf area was so crowded that we had to park pretty far away and walk to the restaurant. My foot was feeling kinda tingly during dinner, but overall, I was proud that I made it through the day.

In my head, my goal was to get strong enough to get out of the house and be somewhat "normal" before I ended my Ross McElwee documentary marathon. I was happy that I had reached my goal yesterday... I was out and about and I still hadn't watched Bright Leaves yet. I felt like I had beaten my nemesis: my ankle.

I was wrong.

This morning, I woke to a little bit of pain and headed to the bathroom. As I have the past two mornings, I hobbled without the cast or crutches. (I put the crutches in the closet on Thursday, because I felt like I didn't need them anymore.) As I stepped into the dining room this morning, I realized that I could no longer walk. Putting even the slightest bit of weight on the fractured/sprained foot caused excruciating pain... Pain so horrible that I wished I had filled the pain medication prescription my doctor gave me. I didn't know what to do. The closest dining room chair was at least three steps away. My cast was in the living room. I had no choice but to get down on my knees and crawl the rest of the way. I then crawled back to bed and just laid there and cried.

I finally got up and crawled to the foyer closet to retrieve the crutches. Crawling really hurts my knees. I had to then crawl with the crutches to the closest chair, because I couldn't get up off the floor. After the ibuprofen eased some of the pain, I decided to take a shower. I suffered through it and now I am back in my chair.

So many emotions were stirred up this morning. Mostly revolving around helplessness. I don't like asking people to do things for me. Thank goodness for my dad who offers his assistance so freely. My mom and dad are at a luncheon in Chapel Hill today and are coming by afterwards. I am just waiting for them to get here so that they can bring me a glass of water and a sandwich.

Sitting here in my polka-dotted chair, I think about my grandmother who was pretty helpless towards the end of her life. She had around-the-clock sitters who helped her get up in the morning, made her meals, cleaned the house, etc. I remember that she had a spot on her couch where she would sit every day. There were tissues, the remote, papers, pencils, the telephone, her purse, all the things that she needed placed strategically all around her on the couch. I can't help but think about her while I sit in my polka-dotted chair surrounded by my own things: my purse, my mobile phone, my laptop, my remotes. It scared me to see my grandmother like that. It scares me to be helpless like that, too.

I've been sitting here in silence just looking out the window. I've been watching the breakfast crowd go in and out of the Mexican restaurant. Lots of folks have been walking down to the grocery. There were two guys who were walking by eating some sort of meat jerky out of a big plastic pouch. I'm waiting to see two of my favorite Lakewood characters go by. One of them is this very happy little man with a grocery cart who always smiles and waves to everyone who walks or drives by. There is another guy who pimps out bikes by duct taping car steering wheels and boom boxes to them and then spray painting his creation. He tried to sell me one last year for $75.

I am sad that I cannot go anywhere. I want to go outside. I want to go to the Farmers Market. I want to go to a party this afternoon. I want to go to marching band practice. I can't.

So, I guess I'll admit defeat. I tried to beat my ankle yesterday, and my ankle has put me back in my place. But once I finish Bright Leaves, I'll need to find another DVD box set to begin another marathon. I have a Fred and Ginger box set, but I have seen all those movies multiple times. I have a Busby Berkeley box set, but the stories are so lame, I just fast-forward to the dance numbers and I am not in the mood. Maybe I'll order the Stan Brakhage Anthology or something by DA Pennebaker. Or maybe I'll practice my banjo uke.

The End of Ankle Week

Today, I managed to drive to work even though it was only two residential blocks away. And it didn't hurt. I think I have finally turned a corner with this ankle ordeal. It's still very swollen, purple and stiff and my range of motion is just a fraction of that of my good foot. But I am in much less pain... I love my cast.

I woke this morning and heard the voice of Ross McElwee in my head narrating my morning routine. He was describing the granny rocking chair in my bedroom and the orange wool blanket on my bed. I was thinking... I've got to get out of the house and stop watching Ross McElwee films.

After work, I met my dad at home and we chatted a bit about doctors and what he's cooking these days. He was going to drive me to Whole Foods, but I told him that I wanted to try it by myself. I did it! It was hard... I had to take my cast off to drive the car and put it back on when I arrived at the grocery. Same thing for the drive home. How annoying. But I did it!! Once I got home, I celebrated my accomplishment by eating a sopressata sandwich and watching McElwee's Six O'Clock News. So for now, I'll have to deal with Ross McElwee's voice stuck in my head narrating my life as I hobble around the house on my cast. But this weekend, I am taking the cast off and getting the heck outta this house. My Ross McElwee film series will come to an end.Here is the picture out my front window as seen from from my polka-dotted chair. It's much lovelier in person. I've been enjoying it all this week while I've been stuck in this chair watching McElwee documentaries and eating ice cream.

Hey Charleen! See you next Saturday!!

It's Broken

The orthopaedist confirmed that there is a small piece of bone that was ripped off by the ligament. From the x-ray, it looked like the piece of bone is about the size of a a piece of gravel. (That photo of the x-ray is not mine, but the box is where my ligament ripped a piece of bone off.) He also was surprised by how bad the sprain was and that I was able to put any weight on my foot at all. It was a painful morning, but this cast rocks. My foot feels so much better strapped into this contraption. It's got these balloons around my ankles that can be inflated with a little pump. I'll have to stay in this cast for the next few weeks except when I sleep, shower, or do my exercises. I return to the orthopaedist in three weeks at which time I will possibly begin physical therapy. My ankle feels so much better in this cast, but unfortunately, I cannot drive. Although I might slip my cast off to drive around a little. I am already feeling a little bit stir crazy.

Although I have been continuing my Ross McElwee film series, I turn on the regular TV every now and then to hear about the details of the events at Virginia Tech. It's really hard for me to take in. I feel a bit guilty about blogging about something so insignificant as my broken foot and sprained ankle, but blogging about my sprained ankle is also a way for me to deal with my confusion and sadness. And Ross McElwee's film help remind me that the although there is sadness, we must all find strength to persevere.

Today, I finished Time Indefinite as well as Backyard and Charleen. The more I see of Charleen Swansea, the more I want to know. In many ways, I really admire her alot. She is the kind of strong Southern woman who I aspire to be. Smart. Unapologetic. Insightful. Kinda crazy. And she has a beautiful accent.

Every now and then I receive emails from the NC Film listserv about her documentary film series at the Carrboro Century Center. Her next film screening is coming up Saturday April 28th. I want to go. I'll slip my cast off for that.

In the film, Charleen, we meet Charleen's father in his factory office. Before you know it, he picks up and starts singing a song and playing a tiple! My jaw dropped. I was so excited! I rewound it and watched that scene over and over. I tried to take a picture with my camera phone, but it didn't come out so well.

If I go to Charleen's film screening, I gotta find out about that tiple. For one thing, how do you pronouce tiple?

Ross McElwee Soothes the Ankle

I managed to get to work today for a couple hours, even though I woke to alot of pain. My foot has swollen even more... my toes look like little purple vienna sausages. I can't really drive with my foot & ankle like this, but work is only two blocks away, so I can manage. It's no more painful than trying to hobble to the kitchen and it's alot less painful than trying to take a shower.

I found someone at work to drive me back to the urgent care clinic to pick up some crutches since putting weight on my foot has become more difficult. I thought I was just going to run in and pick up the crutches, but the doctor wanted to see my foot again. She seemed even more concerned about it and was relieved to hear that I actually made the appointment to see an orthopaedist. Apparently, there had been alot of discussion among several doctors about the bones in my foot. It seems like there may be another trouble area. Who knew that tripping on stairs could cause so much damage?

But she said that in all likelihood that the treatment for the fracture(s) would be wearing this ankle brace for a longer period of time or getting a cast. Let's hope that's all it is. Tomorrow, my dad is coming to take me to the orthopaedic clinic and then we are going grocery shopping. Woo hoo!

I have been confined to this polka-dotted chair and ottoman on which I have four bed pillows stacked in an effort to get my ankle elevated over my head. My doctor said that I am supposed to be lying flat on my back and have my leg elevated with pillows. Uh... no. So, instead I sit in my new favorite chair watching TV, working, sending emails, and reading. But the most exciting activity during these ankle days has been watching Ross McElwee's films.

On Sunday right before this happened, I passed Ross McElwee who was napping in the hotel lobby of the Marriott. He was awarded the Full Frame Career Award and during the ceremony, I became more and more fascinated with him. Michael Moore said that there would be no Roger and Me if he hadn't seen Sherman's March first. When I discovered McElwee napping on Sunday, I was dying to take a picture of him with my camera phone. But since I still don't know how to use my phone, I thought if I tried to figure it out, McElwee would probably wake up and tell me to get lost. I keep thinking about McElwee napping on that couch and how funny it would have been for me to capture it on my camera. So I have been going through my DVD box set of his documentaries.

Right now, I am about halfway through Time Indefinite. He is such a brilliant filmmaker. Today, I feel inspired by the way he seems to find beauty in the everyday. I find myself getting lost in his films because each shot seems deliberate yet subtle and contains some sort of beauty or emotion whether it's Charleen describing her house or a shot of the trees above a hammock.

The color of the sky across my street above the Mexican restaurant just now was very beautiful. And the vibrant green of the overgrown bushes outside my bedroom window is one of my favorite things these days.

Documentaries Can Be Hazardous To Your Health

Yesterday afternoon, I twisted my ankle as I descended some stairs at Full Frame. I thought... it's not that bad. It hurt and it was swollen, but I felt like I'd be fine. (I've never broken a bone or sprained an ankle before, until now.)

I woke up this morning and inspected my ankle and thought it looked alot better. The swelling was down and it seemed like my ankle was less purple. My ankle felt a little stiff but again, I thought I'll be fine!

Well, as the day wore on, my foot got bigger and bigger and eventually, my ankle bone disappeared completely. My foot and ankle turned a rainbow of colors and it started hurting. I tried to call my doctor, but I couldn't get an appointment because their power was out. So, I went to an urgent care clinic. The doctor there saw my ankle and suggested several x-rays to look for fractures. She came in later to tell me that she was shocked to discover that there were no fractures with such a severe sprain. At that point my foot was throbbing. I was sent home where I have to rest and keep my ankle elevated for the next couple days. I have to keep it wrapped in an ACE bandage and use this splint for the next SIX weeks! And I received this beautiful blue orthopedic shoe. SEXY!!!

No bowling or marching band for awhile. Now is the time that I wish I had a roommate.

UPDATE: The doctor just called and she and the radiologist discussed my x-rays and the is a spot of bone that they are concerned about. Basically, when I heard the big POP as I fell, it might have been my ligament tearing away from the bone and taking part of the bone with it. GROSS!!!! I have to make an appointment to go see an orthopedic surgeon. Holy crap!!!!!!

Radio Show, Friday, April 13 8-10AM

Beautiful South - Woman in the Wall
Bob Dylan - Don't Think Twice, It's Alright
Slim Gaillard - Cement Mixer
Various - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Erasure - Star
Of Montreal - One of a Very Few of a Kind
The Temple City Kazoo Orchestra - Kazooed on Klassics
Shirley Caesar - Soul Salvation
Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
The Chiffons - One Fine Day
Jesse Powell Orchestra with Fluffy Hunter - The Walkin' Blues
The La's - There She Goes

I have things to say about what I played on Friday, but I am too tired to type. My entire playlist can be found here. I've also just emerged from a dizzying weekend at the Full Frame Documentary Film Festival. I want to write about my amazing time there, but again, I am too tired and dazed to type. Since Thursday afternoon, I have seen 24 films (a new record for me) and sprained an ankle. I should've gone to an urgent care facility this afternoon after I fell down the stairs, but there was a film that I really wanted to see. So I came home, iced up the ankle, took four ibuprofen, convinced myself that it wasn't a big deal and hobbled back to the festival. It was worth it.

I'd post a picture of my disgustingly purple and swollen ankle, but I am too embarrassed about my toenails. I am way past due on a pedicure. That grosses me out more than the purple ankle.

Plantation Sitting

In the mid-90s, I worked in Raleigh with a guy named John who was the caretaker for this HUMONGOUS plantation in Knightdale called Midway Plantation. It was stunning. Catherine Bisher, an architectural historian, described it once as a characteristically restrained example of Greek Revival style with generous proportions and unpretentious portico entrance. (Sometimes I can geek out on some architecture.) Although it had alot of land behind the main house and the outbuidlings, the house was right on the side of Highway 64... which probably wasn't an issue when the plantation was built in in the mid-1800s, but it was definitely a problem in the mid 1990s. But god, it was so beautiful. And the huge old magnolia trees in the yard provided great shade for afternoon get-togethers. I remember thinking that the rooms were enormous... I feel like you could've fit my entire house in one room of Midway.

John lived there with his wife and their two kids. His wife stayed home with the kids and developed beautiful gardens on the property. When their family went on vacation, John would ask me to house sit for them: just feed the cats and water the garden. I always jumped at the chance to do it. I loved it. It felt so decadent. There was one night I was staying there and the wind was blowing really hard and it was storming outside and the house was creaking and I was trying my best to find ghosts, but alas none were found. I did kinda spook myself out though.

Anyway, I discovered today that there is a film about this plantation called Moving Midway. It's being screened at Full Frame this Saturday at 12:15pm. The documentary tells the story of the history of Midway and how the owners decided to MOVE it away from the side of the busy Highway 64 to a new location away from the Raleigh sprawl. I cannot wait to see it.

There are alot of other amazing films being screened this weekend at the film festival. Ross McElwee is being presented with a Career Award and lots of his films are being screened. I wonder how many films I can cram in between Thursday and Sunday. Woo hoo!

Artistic Escapism

Last week, I went to see a work-in-progress screening of Brett Ingram's new documentary film, Rocaterrania (featuring new music by Sharkquest). This film tells the story of a visionary artist who works as an amazing scientific illustrator by day at the NC Museum of Natural History in Raleigh. Renaldo Kuhler is an eccentric guy (he's about 6'5", kinda loud and wears lederhosen and scarves to work), but I really admire him for his self-confidence and acceptance of his freakiness. And I was just blown away by his illustrations of his imaginary country, Roceterrania. He created this place through drawings and journals during a period of time when he found himself isolated on a ranch out west and little opportunity to socialize with other people. His world was really detailed; Kuhler created a couple hundred characters, a goverment, detailed cities and buildings, and even its own language and alphabet.

Sometimes, I wish that I could find happiness in some sort of creative escapism. The closest that I have come to that is a book of found things from my front yard and this blog. Oh, and my radio show.... if you can count that.

But these artists like Bruce Bickford, Henry Darger, and Renaldo Kuhler seem so content with their lives and their work. I wish I could find that same level of personal acceptance. I sometimes think that if I moved out to a little one stoplight town out in the middle of nowhere, I could find that some sort of peace or happiness... that would be my own Rocaterrania. But then again, I think I might go crazy. Or maybe I'm already crazy.